For What They Are

I'm finally starting to see things in the proper light. For what they really are. I'm not taking anything for granted, but I'm not placing to much hope in anything either. Look at all the pain we've brought each other... Well, I'm not sure if I brought you pain or not... I think I did, why else would you treat me this way?

Anyway. I can't blame all of this on you any more. This was my fault, and for once, I'm not afraid to admit it and face the consequences. I only wish I'd been able to fix things before we fell apart. I've never felt this way before. Usually, I'm quick to rebound. But now, I've got you on the brain, and it hurts to think that my own psychotic issues tore us apart the way they did. I should have had more control. And so I'm sorry.

But there is a bright side, as there is to everything in life. Perhaps not so bright as a second chance would be, but I know better than to get my hopes up.

The bright side is this: The time we shared was limited. There are few memories, and though they are deep and seemingly important, they will fade. There are no photographs, no written memoirs with your name on them. Not even a hint of you in a most intimate notebook.

One day, I will look back at these posts and wonder who "You" are. That is the bright side. And though it is a long way off, I can look forward to it. It will mean that I have healed, moved on.

I've let you go.

For now though, You still hold a place in my heart. Unfortunately for me, you are something that will take a while to get over.

"I have never forgotten your smile, your eyes, oh shamandalie"

~Sonata Arctica, "Shamandalie"