*sigh* Why Am I Up So Early?

I should be sleeping. It's Saturday. But no, I just HAD to get up at 6:30. I don't need to leave for another two hours! Bah. And there's no point in going back to sleep, that'll just make me more groggy.

I still don't feel like knitting- which is a problem today, beacause I'm going to have A LOT of free time on my hands.

Oh, why am I going to this silly bead thing anyway? I could be sleeping, warm in my bed... Instead of awake and blogging about why I'm not.

Ah well. My cat demands my attention, so I guess I'll finish this later.

It's HERE

And it was a bitch to move. Not that I didn't expect it to be. It IS a piano after all. It came with music, we're weeding through it now.

My uncle is officially an ass. He's one of those people that has this innate talent for getting under my skin and pissing me off. Grr

I have the hiccups. They hurt. And make it rather difficult to type. :(

My cat's not sue he likes the piano yet. He keeps looking at it like it might sprout a head and six legs and try to eat him.

I'm hungry. But not for cat. Salem's to cute and fluffy to eat, anyway.

At Last...

We're getting our piano today! W00t! This means I can get going on my cello arrangements! Yes! My days of boredom are over! Mostly.... Actually no.

I seem to have forgotten one very important thing: We will need to have it tuned.
We won't have the money for that until next month... THEN I can start with the arrangements. And school. This timing sucks, but a least I'll have a few weeks to get going, and I'm only at Delta two days a week. I'll keep my chin up.

Oh yeah. My uncle called to tell us they were moving the piano today- went on a rant about how the grass isn't cut yet. My mom almost hung up on him. I think she should have. He's so rude sometimes, I really can't stand him. It's slated for Sunday, so there.

So I Found This Site...

It's called "Meetup.com"
I suppose it's a decent idea, so I joined a local Self Help group. There aren't any meetings scheduled yet, but I'll go when there is one. I hope I fit in okay. Last night just left really awful taste in my mouth- I'm sick of being all alone.

Or just sick
Twisted....

Ah well, we all have our little quirks. Least that's what they tell me.

Bummer! No New Messages In Your Inbox

Yea. I've noticed. Sucks, when you don't have any real friends. Grr this is soo depressing. That and my mom's bitching at me for every little thing today- I think the heat finally got to her. Agh *covers ears* Make it stop already. This won't be a pleasant post, I can tell you that.

So about the friends thing.... Wonder what I should do? Should I go and find new friends? How do I do that? All my life, everything's just fallen into place for me, I never really had to try to get friends... Maybe I'm a jerk or something... Maybe they really didn't want to be my friend in the first place and I just couldn't take a hint... What if I'm an awful person?

How do you make new friends?
Semester hasn't started yet.
I don't have a job yet.
How am I supposed to do this?
I don't even think my family likes me anymore.

*headdesk*
I hate my life right now, I really do. What I wouldn't give to be normal. Just once.

What does that even mean anyway? What the fuck is normal? How do you be normal?...

Well aren't I in a lovely, cheerful mood today. Rant about the city, the friends, the family, myself, social standards... What else can I bash in the confines of one little post and not have my computer explode from all the negativity?

Yay stupidity. I should just stop now, while I'm sort of ahead. No sense whining about the things I can't change. If I don't have friends now, I never will... Maybe I don't want frinds anyway (lie). And who wants their family to like them? Pah, lame... (I do.)
And Normal? What is that? Who cares what's normal and not. Maybe I should just flip off life and do whatever I want. (That's not a good idea.)

Or maybe I should just shut up and do some serious thinking about what's wrong with everything I've written here. I do want friends, and if my family can't like me, then who ever will? As for normal- screw it. I just want to be happy. And I don't think that's too much to ask.

Why is it That I Can Never Find Anything?

Soo... No on the upload for a while. The cord to my camera is buried in a giant box. Seriously. I could fit in this box. And there's a whole shit-ton of other stuff in the box too, so until I have a helper and a lot of spare time, videos and photos are out of ze question. lol the irony.

I need to cut the grass again; the weeds are getting obnoxious. AGAIN. Maybe tomorrow, if it's nice out. I lack the initiative and the gasoline at the moment. These posts are getting really short again, but there's really nothing happening. Nothing to write down to remember. Nothing worth remembering. Why is there nothing interesting to do in this town for more than three days? Seriously... Bay City has got to be the most boring place on Earth.

I say seriously a lot, don't I?

Bay City May Be Boring...

But we put on a damn good fireworks display. The finale was FANTASTIC. again. lol

The cookout went well, though we ate inside because of the outrageous heat index. Fruit pizza is gone- it always is. Other than that, I really don't have anything new to report, except that I need to shower again to get the bugspray and cigarette smoke off me. I'll put up the video I took of the fireworks tomorrow, when I'm actually awake enough to do so. For now, I'll sign off and say goodnight.

Why Does it Have to be So Humid?

@.@
I'm ready to keel over here! Bah- I just showered, but I could go for another one... I've only dried off six or seven times... >.< Fourth of July cookout is today. Screw it all, I'm not wearing makeup, it'll just slide right off anyway.

Made fruit pizza this morning. I knew I should've done it last night- it's like eighty some degrees here, and I'm working around boiling water and a three-hundred-and-fifty degree oven. Not smart.

Oh fish... I just realized I forgot to put pineapple on the pizza.... Oh well, it's pretty full as it is. I think it'll be fine.

My hair is doing funky things today... Well, it does funky things every day, but DAMN... >.< It won't do what I want it to...

OH! I get to give Andrea her penguine today. It's sooo cute! *squee* I don't think she knows I knitted her a penguin... This should be fun, lol.

Hmmm... I probably should've waited to post this until I got home... Oh well, I'll just post again later. Actually, I'm surprised at how consistant I've been lately. That was one of the things I wanted to work on, so score another one for me! I feel like taking video of the cookout, but that might get me killed... XD

Well, it's almost time to load up and get going, so I'm going to make sure I have everything I need...

Holy Fish I'm Bored!

Yeah, that pretty much sums it up. This is most unfortunate- I had hoped to enjoy my summer, now I'm always dwelling on the ever apparent fact that I have few friends to share my summer with. Meh. I know I've always been somewhat of a loner, but this is ridiculous. I really miss having a pen pal at times like this; writing the letters really helped get things off my mind.

Anyway, enough complaining from me- I have more important things to write about.

I went to visit my dad yesterday (they moved him to a special care hospital because of his UTI and his hemoglobin was really low). I don't know if we just caught him at a bad time or if this is normal now, but I'm really not sure if he knew who I was. Which is depressing. We all know that he'll never get any better than he is now physically, but watching him crash and burn like this mentally is really quite awful. He doesn't even try to talk anymore- at least he hasn't all the times that I've gone up there. And yesterday he was barely shaking his head... I really don't think there's much time left for him mentally- I can only hope that his body gives up soon, or he'll be existing without knowing who his family is, or that he even has a family at all.

Why am I crying now?

There was a point when all I wanted was for him to be gone, but... Never like this. I wouldn't wish this on anyone.

Anyway...

Our big Fourth of July fireworks show is tomorrow night. My mother managed to convince my aunt that we should have our annual cook out even though we're all strapped for cash. We really don't need hot dogs, hamburgers AND brats. Nor do we necessarily need four different kinds of salad and three deserts. Everyone always complains that we have too much food, so I figured if we kept it simple, it would keep costs down too. I think what got her was the prospect of fruit pizza. I make a MEAN fruit pizza. I'll have to go get the makings for it tonight though, so I won't be going to see the second night of fireworks. Oh well, it's only fifteen minutes long; the real show is tomorrow.

.... hm. If anyone read this, I would post up the recipe for fruit pizza. It's really good, so I definitely don't mind sharing. =)

I don't know if I should sign off here or drag this out a little longer. I'm really, REALLY bored right now, so I might rant about a few more things as they come to me. Hopefully they'll be a little more cheerful than the last few... whatever.

Grr, I don't even feel like knitting I'm so out of it. I wonder if I shouldn't make an appointment with my psychiatrist. I'm not sure the antidepressant is working any more, I've been so down lately. Maybe it's just the weather, or maybe it's just me... I don't know, but I hope my mood picks back up soon- being depressed sucks.

What else should I write about? This is usually where I sign off, so I'm kinda short on ideas. I SHOULD be getting the ingredients for that pizza, but I just don't feel like it. Damn you, chronic dysthymia, damn you to hell.

My cat is adorable... And covered in cement dust... Goofy cat, anyway.

Itchy.

I just cut the grass. Now my hands are shaky and I'm all grass covered. It's kinda itchy. I think that a shower would be very pleasant right now.... But my mother is taking her "Sweet Time" getting hers.... Bah.

Perhaps I'll play more phone tag with the Red Cross. They're making it difficult to get a job. ^^

I get to watch things blow up tonight. Yay! Explosions in the sky...
I still think that the fireworks are kinda early this year, but I'm not about to say no. Anything involving explosives is okay by me. XP

I need something to do, or someone to talk to. I'm really bored now, and these blog entries only take like five to ten minutes of my time... And they're kinda rambly.

Maybe I should find another pen pal?
I think I have grass in my nose.... :(

I Have WAY Too Many Projects...

So yeah... My brain is gooey again.
Between work and college prep (Up by 6 am! @.@)
...
I need to stop finding cute things to knit.
I REALLY need to stop finding songs that would sound lovely on cello.
Especially since I still don't have a piano to figure the damn thing out.
But I wanna transpose this and that and the other thing...
O.o

Anywho.
My newest baby is actually a project for my bass (which I haven't touched in MONTHS, I'm so slow now *sadface*)
I'm working on Laid to Rest by Lamb of God.

It moves.
I don't.

This may take a while.

Went for a Bike Ride. Now My Head Hurts

Yeah. >.< I think I might be an asthmatic, cause sometimes, I just can't breathe. Planning to talk to my doctor about it in the near future.

... We STILL haven't got our piano yet. We're supposed to get it this weekend, but I think it's supposed to rain. Blah.

I need to call Red Cross and get re-certified for lifeguarding and CPR.
I needs MONEH. Which requires a job. J-O-B JOB. *insert horror music here*

Nah it won't be that bad, especially if I can get a job at the new Y. Ish pretty.
I should probably get my eyes rechecked as well, so I'm not blind while I watch people drown. Oops. I meant to type "So I'm not blind while I SAVE people from drowning." Yeah. Totally. lol.

Looks like I have a lot to do Monday. And I really should add to TVE. Haven't updated in months. Kiki's probably PISSED. >.> Whoopsie.

Hard to believe it's almost July already. My summer's dissolving before I can even do anything interesting. Damn.


You know, I just realized, I said that my head hurts, and, while that's true... I think my ass hurts more... Nobody say ANYTHING about coincidences. I will hunt them down and sacrifice their souls to my choir director. lol. There goes that threat.

I should probably sign off here, before the -1 person following/reading this decides to leave.

*clings to nonexistent reader*

Can we GO now?

I really, really need my dad to pass away. (No, I don't feel bad for writing that, since I think he wants to go too.) After all, he's not really living now- the only thing worse would be if he were on a vent. I'm waiting for him to need dialysis. Won't that be fun? Argh, I need to stop writing depressing posts... Or for more happy things to happen to me. That would be great, actually.

I've been knitting a lot lately, it helps take my mind off things. Sorta. Anywho, I've improved my bowing technique on my cello, but I still need a piano for my pitches (or a bloody fretboard ^^), which we don't have. Yet... But we're getting one. Soon, I hope. What else has happened that's worth mentioning... Haha, It's been two months and I've nothing to say. Well, I suppose no news is good news? lol...

I guess I really am just trying to relax and prepare myself for the next semester. I hope I don't bungle it like I did last year. Of course, there were some extenuating circumstances... I don't think I wrote about it on here... I suppose I will when I have time. I still remember what happened. Vividly.

Now, see? There I go again! >.< I've GOT to work on this depressing thought cycle thing. No wonder I'm down all the time. Maybe I'll go write something. That usually works.

A Living Deadbeat.

At least, that's kinda how I feel. I guess I shouldn't be too dismal- a few things HAVE gotten better. But only a few. I have a long way to go yet, and it's all uphill. It really makes me wish I had another friend like Lulu was. Only real... *sigh* Now I feel bad for writing that...

I was released from therapy a few weeks ago. Mom says I need to go back. I want to try something else on my own before I make that call. If I could just change my perspective, everything would be okay. The glass is half full, not half empty.

But isn't it all the same anyway?

I think college killed what was left of my spirit. I'll have to get it back over the summer. Which is soon for me, thank goodness. Maybe in the fall I'll be a decent student, and not a lazy bum.

Haha.

Stupid habits. The bad ones are always the hardest to break, aren't they...
Bah.

Just bah....

I'm gonna go make cookies now... Maybe then I'll feel better.